Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Making Ok...what Is..

Acceptance is fraudulent. It means accepting something that is not acceptable. Trying to make what is not Ok, Ok!. These are our newly found New Age skills. How to manipulate reality by "accepting", "surrendering". How to slip past the guard at the gate - only to find that they are our guards and our gate and that we are going to forever be a prisoner of our own subterfuge.

I find it impossible to surrender to anything that I have not resisted FULLY. I sometimes feel so punched in the gut by my resistance, that I can only muster up a gesture or image of myself bowing down to it...laying my forehead at it's feet. Anything less has been a game of side-stepping...constructing my surrender in my mind and making all the right gestures and noises to convince myself and the other that I have indeed done this most spiritually elevated thing....surrendered. Surrender cannot happen in the mind....it is not a thought... it is an action. It is an action of interfacing FULLY with your resistance... to the point where surrender happens in spite of yourself. It is the total dissolution of your position in relation to something. It is not giving up, it is not being a doormat, it is not resignation, it is not giving into another's power or control, it is a cesation of resistance by submitting oneself to one's resistance not by submitting to the other or the situation.

We can only access and experience our resistance through our bodily sensations....If we manage to stay in the strangehold...with our clenched jaw or fists, our tight-lips, with our armour-plated abdomen....our pounding heart beat, our constrained breath,our squeezed brain,our impending tantrum, our bursting tears... for long enough... we may get a glimpse of thef ease and refinement of action that follows...

This is the art of somatic meditation...

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