belonging

.....David Whyte the poet speaks about us as being creatures of belonging...that we may only come to this belonging after long periods of exile and loneliness... That
loneliness seems to be the call to come into oneself...to stare into one's own face of rejection and fear of abandonment, depression.

The only way I survived through years and years of suicidal depression was to see my depression as something with its own life, being necessary and worthy of my attention and respect...to see it as a portal rather than something insurmountable...
It became my way, my spritual practice... not something I felt I needed to discard.. a mistake.

It has required an unrelenting attention... a practice of staying very physically present in this interface with my heavy hopelessness and a lack of enthusiasm for life at times.

There has always been an indescribable Grace in this willingness to stay present.

As if the Grace and the paying attention to what I am experiencing is the silent prayer of one part of myself to the other...

In this place I never felt totally alone... always coming to a reassuring sense of belonging...